I miss you.

Do you remember when Z died?

No. No, of course you don't. Because you weren't there. Well, you were there, you just... got there earlier. Lucky you, I guess.

...

When Z died, there was so much light. So much blinding light. It hurt so much- both my eyes and my hands and everywhere- they still hurt. The thing about breaking time, about being so angry and frustrated that even the gods give up on you, is that if you stop time, no one comes around to restart it. To fix it. I was there for who knows how many years, and the burns on my hands still haven't healed.

They didn't make any sense. God, what was that thing's name- I don't even know- what? Yes, the ball of fire, it was that one- oh okay, Combustion. Combustion didn't seem to even know what the hell it did. Kept looking around for Z, going "Z? Where are you? I can't feel them? I can't speak to them. They must have gone someplace. Z? Z" and it was so infuriating.

So I...

Well, I tried to go back.

I didn't have anything to hold onto. My hands felt so empty. I was just so angry, and goddamnit, if the gods were going to try and kill me, and kill my best friend, and give me powers, then hell with it! I was going to use them. I didn't realize what I was doing. I just wanted to go back, and I didn't know how and every second felt like it had just happend. Like I just ran in and saw my best friend disintegrating in front of my eyes, over and over and over again.

And then I got stuck.

Have you ever felt them? The strings? The strings that hold the universe together? I got caught in them when I broke my world. My timeline, I guess. I tried going to other timelines, and I just ran straight into them, like a spider's web. Effective method for keeping unruly teenagers from breaking anything, but do you know that they hurt when they're wrapped around you? There's no scars now of course but I could feel them pressing into my skin, and the more I struggled, the more tangled I got. I became completely immobile. You said you're 25 now? 25? 10 years! 10 years I was stuck there, and the entire time it just... god it felt like forever and yesterday at the same time. Memories clear as ever. The same thought, over and over and over again.

I have to find Z.

And I did! I did! But this Z is different. This Z is... well you're older. You lived. And you seem so much more... happier, than my Z ever was. I can't... I want to, I want to hold onto this idea of you, but... I can't. It's just... not the same. My Z was so avoidant, and didn't smile when I said things, and I always asked them if they were meeting with the gods, you know, the gods that tried to kill me, and they were like no, I'm just going to the woods but they WERE! And I always told them to steer clear of them, that they were dangerous, and they didn't ever listen to me, and maybe I should have just tried harder-

...

What do you mean, Gallus tried to warn you?

NO! No! It's just a barn animal! It doesn't care about us! None of the gods care! When the Time Jellyfish dropped me, I had to save myself! There was an inch between me and the ground when I managed to stop my perception of time! I don't know how you managed to do it, being so trusting of all these entities, trying to kill you all the time..

...Who is "George"?

It... saved you? And...it treated you like a child. I...

I don't want to go back.

There's nothing for me there! Z is gone!

The only person who ever stuck around me, who ever wanted to be near me, even though I was always scared and angry and distant... they're gone! My Z is gone! Forever! Because I'm so much of a screw up that I couldn't even use the literal powers that a god gave me! I didn't get there on time! I didn't even listen to them! All I wanted was to keep them safe! That's all I wanted! How is it fair that you get to be happy, and you can tell me to go back, and you can sit here and nod along like you know anything? I know you're me. But you don't act like me. You're too calm to be my future self. Whoever I am in the future is furious and lonely. You've been living in this house with Z for the past 10 years? How is that fair? Why can't I get that future? Why am I not you?

I want to see their face again. I want to hold their hand. Their skin- it just- it evaporated right as I holding onto it, trying to put all their pieces back together, and they didn't even- they-

...Oh god...

Don't make me go back.

They had people who loved them.

Please. Don't make me go back.